May 2010
10 posts
I like my jeans dirty. I don’t feel like I’m on summer vacation yet. It looks like I’m spending all my money on LPs. Something is going to start happening.
That is something I have to show for this...
"I'd kill a triple rapist double murderer for a...
And out of nowhere appeared a pizza place selling jumbo slices that I really needed at 4 am last night. Thank you, the city of Chicago.
Is the grass greener on the other side?
I should be able to efficiently judge by Monday morning. My title is wrong until then.
RE!searching intwo industrial hemp purposes: Construction blocks, replacing concrete?! Carbon footprint negative?! Media’s h(throaty, mind you)ip leftiszzzzzzt standards: Smaller carbon footprint! Legalize cannabis! I find humour dans tout cela. All these societies, organizations, I AM YOUNG AND LOUD and ON THE NATIONAL MALL, they are internet blogging...
All I see is Miles’ terrified limbs flailing and the headlights from the grill of the big white truck toward the front passenger side of my car. I heard the sound of breaking glass in my head. Then we drove off and laughed. Then it was six a.m. and I was writing and I halfly fell asleep and I wrote on my sheets. I can’t read it now. And it was the hillside in your neighborhood where we...
Driving an acquaintance’s car to the District Court in unreasonable states. Both my morning classes were canceled. This made me return to my glovebox and employ euphemisms. Then it was e.e. cummings yelling and singing at me in the cafeteria. Time had to stop being wasted. And then all of the seperate takes lined up on top of each other. Or some of them. If music was a spectrum displayed in...
Stereo amplification resulting from sitting up past all the branches. All the tangled branches. Tape recorders are so short. There are actors on television and they are actors. Decrescendo. I want my dense headphones. I want this heat to slink away with a toothpick hanging out of the corner of its mouth. You are here. Buzzbuuzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzz. I remembered the Charles Bukowski to my left....
The air is a swimming pool and I am going to drown in it. Interrupting pivotal fifth grade piano recitals with feedback. I missed my amplifier. I miss my microphone. It is almost the conclusion of the semester and I am terrified and distracted and indifferent. Yes, I’m aware. Maroon shorts do not dissipate this heat. This heat is so preoccupying.
April 2010
3 posts
Cities Cities Cities
I have so many choices all laid out on a silver platter drenched in chocolate sauce poisoned by a cragged witch. They are all terrible decisions. I played free jazz with my eight-but-almost-nine year old sister today. She doesn’t know what free jazz is but that didnt stop her. What is stopping me? I sat in a tree and was high. All the way to the topmost point I could reach while retaining...
March 2010
13 posts
ces·sa·tion
–noun: a temporary or complete stopping; discontinuance.
a cessation of blogging
Origin:
1350–1400; ME cessacio(u)n < L cessātiōn- (s. of cessātiō) delay, inactivity, stoppage, equiv. to cessāt(us) ptp. of cessāre to delay, stop (cess(us) yielded, ceded (ced- cede + -tus ptp. suffix) + -ātus -ate1) + -iōn- -ion
—Synonyms stop, halt, end, suspension, stay, recess.
I feel like the air inside of a balloon. There is evidence of my existence in the form of red stretched rubber that keeps me trapped. I would like to be popped and disappear into homogenous existence.
I have one test and two stories to peer review until this break commences. I cannot focus. As evidenced by my tumbling.
This is the last Monday before break. I wish it was the last Monday of the semester.
annabelwhereareyougoing:
reallyfarrah:
infinite16khzhum:
All the stupid despondency and directionlessness I thought I had in my life has vanished with two near simultaneous phonecalls. The first one was informing of the second one that was sitting on the chair being ignored because I thought this first one was so important. This is ridiculous. I am so terribly happy. I had forgotten what it...
reallyfarrah:
infinite16khzhum:
All the stupid despondency and directionlessness I thought I had in my life has vanished with two near simultaneous phonecalls. The first one was informing of the second one that was sitting on the chair being ignored because I thought this first one was so important. This is ridiculous. I am so terribly happy. I had forgotten what it felt like.
CAUGHT IN A...
All the stupid despondency and directionlessness I thought I had in my life has vanished with two near simultaneous phonecalls. The first one was informing of the second one that was sitting on the chair being ignored because I thought this first one was so important. This is ridiculous. I am so terribly happy. I had forgotten what it felt like.
My father slid two dollars into a grubby hand. There were rows and rows of cars missing their front teeth with crippled ribcages roofs glinting like rippling oceans in the morning. I trudged through patches of mud and snow in my fathers old steeltoe boots. We stripped a bumper off of an ‘88 Accord. It ought to fit the ‘87 though the colors don’t match. I leaned like a tower to...
I used to think Ys was too short. No. Have One On...
Je suis creux. Et incurable. Je vais écrire en français parce que je ne veux pas être entendu. Mais je veux à parler. Je deviens fatigué de l’école et les situations de mon vie. Je cette dis toujours. Je veux dormir sans cesse. Ou je veux aller. Vouloir. C’est tout j’ai. Je ne peux pas arreter plaindre.
I am very mean to my hands apparently. They have gotten up and walked off. This is a banjo song. I was going to clean my room today but I have not left my house at all. I have many blank pages in my notebook but I am running out of things to say. Off to another week of the Maddening Cursed institution. Joanna Newsom on repeat. That is all I have to say.
February 2010
26 posts
Today at work right as we were closing several (I think about 8) drunk girls came flying in to use the bathroom. They were loud. They got off a party bus. We thought they just really wanted pizza. They had very distressed faces. There were a few bro-looking fellows who wandered in afterwards. Let me emphasize something: A PARTY BUS. My co-worker’s friend who was present tried to get some of...
“A chocolate covered Jalapeño pepper.”
–
I’ve got Satellite of Love stuck in my head; the end. So much to say or something. Busy buzzing week. Ellicott City’s historical district is a little good time. Or grand. When it is Friday night I forget that I am a student. I wish I could always forget that. Or not have it to remember. Or at least have it not be a negative thing. It is quite frustrating. I don’t know what else...
I met Andy from Wye Oak at the Hillandale thrift. Quite a friendly guy. After that I walked a lot. It was blustery. Earlier I saw an accident from the bus window. A large wooden pole on twenty-nine was knocked over with the side of a car but he stepped out of the vehicle and seemed alright. At least no blood. The bus driver honked at the other cars for slowing down. Then we sped off. February went...
I am having a personal crisis of the moustache variety.
Any knowledge of experimental composers of the nineteen hundreds I have acquired may have had a tangible benefit this weekend. Murphy’s Law always breaks guitar strings. Today I made a mistake of slicing my thumb and forefinger with scissors. This made me mildly lightheaded and according to the judgement of a friend has brought me closer to the mark of being Sylvia Plath. My blood seems to...
I was reading Dostoevsky in the library for an hour: The Crocodile. I could sit in a library for the rest of my life. A whole section on Avant-Garde and 20th Century experimental musics! Finding ease, comfort in libraries; the list of books I want to read feels less overwhelming. I should be enroute to a belly full of rotted grapes. I already said that once. I will spend the night at home reading...
All I want to do is read books. There are too many. I will die without reading all of them. I am holding back too much. There are so many things I would like to do. I feel so trapped by buses. And finances. Sometimes I remember that it is stupid to make long term plans. To hold the future in mind. You are putting your arms out blindly in front of you. Stand still. I have an appetite today. I will...
You are eating my adolescence. It is a long wet noodle continually sliding through the lips past the tongue down the esophagus. It is coiled like a cobra only for the approximation of a few years. It is the green apple you bit into. I will never be this young again. I am no longer that young. My floor will always be covered in documentations of my presence, in millions of ugly printed words. I am...
I have regrown my beard.
This is mostly out of laziness to shave; I forgot why I even started. I wrote some music the other day I don’t know who its for. It has no words, but has a melody. I usually get around to filling those in much later anyways. I started shaving to fit into a standard of society that now reveals itself to be irrelevant. I started playing music out of envy. I like to think I’m not envious...
“They say she plays guitar and cries and sings.”
– Even though everything is painted white it will still continue to progress between two frames and two more frames. I’d like to spend a year or so of my life in the nude maybe. As I waited three passed in the opposite direction; the bus system is very frustrating. Saint Valentine was beaten...
I spent money today. Significantly less than what is traditional though. I have nothing difficult to say. I have a postponed audition yet again. This is good. Five days off of white, I have decided I am ready to go back and bear through it. Even if I find it terrible most of the time. The banjo is much easier to be expressive on, I am not burdened with a history of it. I didn’t read enough...
It has been several snow days and has convinced me that I never want to return to school. It has shafted me of hours to work and is encapsulating my dream. It is a dream about sex cut short by a knock on the door that was really my mothers footsteps upstairs. It is quite alright, the silence I am hearing right now. It makes me want to walk a long distance to someone or other. It doesn’t...
There is light eminating from a certain point. Outward jump hundreds of red yellow green stripes of varying thicknesses. They are slowly spinning speeding up alternating left right. It seems to dictate the horizon. Millions of three ringed rainbow green disci roll underneath laying out some landscape. Yellow inkblots lined with red grow spotty flourescent primitive. Purple green rippling static...
Let us make this. →
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I do not feel like writing much today (but I feel like writing that). I want to be a drifter, aimless. Everybody thinks this snowstorm is so terrible, but it is really quite lovely. Otherwise I feel pessimistic. Lack of sleep is catching up to me.
I debate standing out in the coming snowstorm and letting it momentarily freeze all of my worries. Waiting for the bus, I asked myself why I get up and go to school every morning. I still cannot answer this question; I never will. I am playing this banjo again, but thank you for making me doubt myself. Is life so holy and pure that my stomach can’t handle it? Sometimes I am intensely aware...
Watch this movie sometime. →